Havi Carel’s book, ‘the Phenomenology of Illness’ discusses dying as part of our lives. To live an authentic life, we must from time to time confront our own death, our finitude. Illness is often a moment of pause where we come nearer to death and most of us will be ill before we die.
To hold our death as a constant concern is too much and creates debilitating anxiety. Mostly we live inauthentically, fleeing from the horror of our own demise, but able to act, forgetting that we are racing to our end, unable to say when that will be. But at some point, we must face resolutely our end – paradoxically this may make the present more vivid and we may live richer lives, appreciating the time we have left with all the uncertainty as to date and time of our demise. Life and death are intimately linked.
I had a recent experience whilst meditating or praying, where I realised that I hoped that God/Jesus Christ would wave a magic wand and cure me of my illness, if I prayed hard enough. Rationally, I knew this was ridiculous. I came to understand that the emptying of my mind was preparing me for death. It was a reassuring thought, strangely, because I no longer had the sense of failure that I was not cured or the disappointment of not being loved enough by God.
Walking whilst ill 