Persistence

I recently finished a PhD, it took me 8 years. At the writing up stage, I was consistently working on it for 20 hours a week as well as doing my job part time. I admired my own persistence. But since I have released myself from this duty of writing, I have unleashed a chaos of desires to achieve, which my illness has put a break on.

I have blamed my illness for my lack of motivation, but on a walk in Kew, I wondered if it was my own lack of discipline that was causing my distress. I listened to an old interview with Jimmy McGovern – a writer I admire – and he stressed persistence as a key quality in producing anything creative.

I also looked back at some old photos recording some paintings I did a few years ago. I was pleased by them and wondered why I had stopped. I remembered being bored and wanting to go on to something else more exciting – I did not persist. Another writer, this time on meditation, suggests that when you get bored, you are often entering a deeper understanding of yourself and a new level of creativity. Writing up the PhD was boring but I persisted and I was pleased in the end – it changed me.

After the end of my PhD, I had lots of dreams of doing more visual work. I bought loads of books and materials, but somehow never got started. I took my paints to Kew last Friday and did a terrible painting, but this time I will persist.